Hong Kong Blog

 After reading Richs last blog I like the idea of refering to the family as a team. Thus I have adopted the idea and hence forth the arrival of The A-Team. Clockwise from top starring: Dessie as Murdock, Sammy Jo as B. A. Baracus, Mother as Hannibal and Brendan as Faceman.

               

                Hello again Peeps. Where in Gods great name does the time go? It is nearing the end of the month and upon reviewing my last update of events I realised nearly a whole month has since passed, yet it feels like only yesterday I was spilling my guts. I guess all the coming and going of late has had me a little preoccupied. I say this because my beloved chiseen family have since came over to Hong Kong to see their eldest bother and son respectively. Now I know most people get on well with their family, but my family and I are in a different league (I do not care for modesty in this department, I love my family more than life itself and will scream it from the rooftops if needs be). It is not a case of relatives, but more a group of best friends who also happen to share a common surname. My brothers Bren and Dessie are by far the funniest people I have ever met, a guaranteed laugh a minute. My sister Sammy Jo who is the youngest and therefore has had to grow up well before her time (I do not mean this statement to imply any negative connotations as she is a sweetheart), for she has learnt to deal with 3 elder brothers who prob show her a rougher time than she deserves but love her more than she will ever know. A mention also for my dearly cherished mother, for she is a person for whom I cannot even begin to express the extent and depth of my respect and admiration towards. This is not forgetting poor Pops who unfortunately could not join the rest of the family on their quest, but yet still a man who I also hold the utmost respect toward for everything he has done and sacrificed for me over the years (including his profession in the adult entertainment industry ). Anyway enough brown nosing, I think I have done enough to secure a decent heritage. Thus onward we go…

                So as you know Mickey was over from the 22nd Sept – 3rd Oct, after which things returned somewhat to a degree of what could be called normality, this was short-lived though unto the arrival of the A-team. For the A-team were to fly in the 18th Oct and were to stay 1 week (7 days in layman’s terms) thus departing on the 26th Oct 0035hrs. Seeing as I had an action packed 11 days with Mick I knew I had a lot of cramming to do in order to show the A-team the true HK in 7 days (rather than the tourists idealistic impression that HK projects). I am unsure as to others preferences, but when I visit a different culture I would rather submerge myself and see what the true lifestyle of the locals is like rather than the rose tinted impression more likely to be given to those who visit. The team had timed it perfect too, choosing to fly in on a Thur with the following day (Friday in layman’s terms) being a public holiday meant I could optimise the time spent with the crew. I have limited annual leave (12 days for the year in fact) so I have to pick and choose my days wisely, otherwise poor little Joe will be left high and dry when it comes to exploring Asia with the boys. I decided though that if there was ever a worthy cause to take annual leave then someone choosing to fly around the globe to the other side warrants as such. Therefore I took ½ day’s annual leave Thur in order to meet the bludclots. After waiting 10 or 15 mins I then saw little Brendoni and Muj making haste up Arrival Hall B’s runway, Mondi and Sammy bringing up the rear. I don’t know what happened but I felt really sad for no good reason. I think I was so happy I was upset or something but it felt strange, unexplainable in fact. After saying “Hi”, choking back the worst of these strange emotions I saw that Muj was also overcome. I snapped out of it fairly fast thinking ‘Jesus, my brothers must think I am such an arse’ and the less said about it the better. So I helped them with their bags and we boarded the infamous E22 bus heading for a little place I like to call home, Kowloon Tong.

                Tsim Sha Tsui. After we arrived in Tsim Sha Tsui I knew we were already racing against the clock. As I said earlier I was running a tight ship and had no intention of wasting even 1 precious minute. I had piped up and asked “Anyone jetlagged?” to which everyone replied “No”. I then informed the So Solid Crew that we had plans right from the word GO and that we were to stop-and-drop at the hostel, then we were meeting Gary ASAP (Another Short Acronymic Phrase :-) ) for some grub in a real good Japanese restaurant that is so well hidden a trail of breadcrumbs is required in order to find our way back out. What’s good enough for Hansel and Gretel is good enough for me. Actually saying that I was just thinking Hansel and Gretel probably led a better life than me, I know they almost got cooked and had a serious bint for a stepmother but she died and they ended-up loaded. Plus I am yet to discover an edible house which in my eyes is the definition of living the dream unless you are the owner and wind up on the receiving end of a serial muncher trying to single-handedly eat you out of house-and-home (I wonder if that’s where the phrase eat-someone-out-of-house-and-home came from? hmmm). Know I am sidetracking a little now but if anyone can steer me in the right direction or knows of any such edible haunt then please let me know for some serious kudos. Anyway so we dropped off the said luggage and made haste to meet Gary. We walked and talked and I think the team were on the whole engrossed by the atmosphere. Together the Jackson 5 + Gary strolled and I let them absorb as much of the surroundings as can possibly be done on a first trip to an alien culture. We eventually found ourselves sitting at the restaurant aforementioned, of which I had visited on only 1 occasion beforehand having Michelle in-tow at the time. We ordered some noodles, soft crab, octopus, seaweed and so forth, for which credit due most of the A-team could handle. Poor B. A. Baracus (Sammy Jo in layman’s terms) was struggling to come to terms with wolfing-down such culinery delights though, consequently this grave day was to mark the beginning of an uphill struggle with B.A to eat other foods beside McDonalds. I am not an unreasonable man, of course I realise there is going to be somewhat of a struggle in order to get others to explore new things whilst trying best to avoid crossing into the realms of horror and aprehension. Needless to say but I better anyway, the meal was pukka as Mr. Oliver would say (he is such a tit). With appetites satisfied we found ourselves strolling toward Victoria Harbour to meet Garys bird, Vicky. From here we would walk the peir and traverse the Avenue of Stars. We looked across toward Hong Kong Island and I knew my family were in awe, as was I too when first witnessing this great island and realising just how busy, beautiful and built-up this civilisation is.

                God said let there be hotpot. Feeling quite happy I had sucessfully fulfilled my obligated duty toward my family, (that being to leave them going to bed slack-jawed with awe) I planed a course of action for the public holiday. Now let me tell you this, public holidays in Hong Kong tend to mean everything is very busy. This is not to be confused for your normal run-of-the-mill busy you would expect within the West, but instead more of a chock-a-block can’t see your hand in front of your face for want of crowds kind of busy. So I had to be tactical, we wanted to have fun but without the need to queue for 24hrs in order to do so. Thus ‘Mong Kok’, ‘Food’ and ‘Hotpot’ were words that sprang to mind. Given that Mong Kok is considered to have the highest population density in the world, you can only begin to imagine what this place must look like on a public holiday. There are people everywhere, faces of all shapes and sizes, in the road, on the pavement (not that you can see where the pavement ends and the road begins) and I swear I even saw one guy flying (and if you are reading this Clark Kent, then yeah I’m on to you). So after negotiating the raging crowds I brought the A-team to one of my favourite haunts, Mong Kok hotpot. Hotpot over here is a means of the customer becoming the chef; this is done by means of the customer cooking for themselves via a saucepan containing boiling soup in which to cook at their own leisure. Job done, bellies full, we made our way back to Festival Walk. I love Festival Walk as you may have picked up from my previous blogs; I even liken it to entering the Pearly Gates for the first time. I am pretty sure it must be one of the larger complexes my family have witnessed, then again though most of them are well travelled and only they themselves are the one who can truly verify this statement (For the sake of argument though, we will say I am correct and that Festival Walk is in actual fact Heaven itself :-) ). Upon entering my haven we had a little browse, the main intention of our expedition though was to visit Room 205A, Hall 1, CityU residence, a little place I like to call Room 205A. I think the boys were impressed my collection of gizmos, most of which I must credit to reckless spending :-). B.A stole my NDS lite for Mario Kart, Muj was playing Mahjong, consequently leaving me to teach Des what death feels like via ‘Resistance Fall Of Man’ on PS3, only then to go on and receive an almighty penetrating defeat from Brendan. Having the A-team at your house feels great as you can imagine, but I had to tread carefully though as the corridor was dangerous territory. Richard the king of bludclots had decided to inform the corridor that Brendan was a superstar. Granted Bren has done a bit of work in films and TV back home such as continuity in Harry Potter, an episode of the Bill, some work in Coming Down the Mountain and various other bits and bobs. Fair play to him he has done well and is better off than I was at his age despite me working harder and from a younger age. I still think movie star is maybe stretching the truth a little bit too far though. Now Rich had wound the whole corridor up, in particular this poor girl called Becky who is so gullible I reckon I could convince her I was a pregnant black woman if needs be. This Becky is chiseen (Cantonese for crazy) to say the very least. She harassed me to breaking point for weeks in order to ascertain my word that Brendan will pose for a picture with her, even though Richard had previously told her not to worry as Bren carries around pre-autographed pictures on his travels. My counter strike was to convince everyone that Richards dad was the black guy from Lethal Weapon. No persuasion skills were required, for they all believed Richard had a black dad and a black twin even though he is whiter than white! I am serious aswell, people were actually saying “Yeah, I have heard of this skin disorder before.” I mean even I have seen a couple of cases of mismatched coloured twins on the news before but for Rich to be one of them is ridiculous.

                Mong Kok. Friday came and went and I must say I found solace in the form of sharing a room with my chiseen family. The room was grand with plenty of room for the whole Jackson 5 brigade. For reason of provocation alone I just thought I would mention Brendan being a stubborn tit as far as bed sharing is concerned (I can just imagine his little outburst now in my head) :-). So up we woke and ventured forth to Kowloon Tong station, this time to embark on my daily routine known as the KCR. Shatin (New Territories) was our destination, for here resides my work place, JPMorgan. Its not everyday you can say you have gone to work with the A-team, but I can hold my head high knowing I have :-). The A-team as I had guessed beforehand could not enter the actual workplace, more so only the building. Against Murdocks best wishes I decided not break the motherlicker refusing us entry, deciding instead to let him live to tell the tale of the A-team. Afterwards I decided to bring the team to Sham Shiu Po with the intention of visiting the Golden Computer Arcade. For the Golden Computer Arcade is the actual heaven for all deceased geeks! Knowing my mother prob would have as much interest in this place as she does playing Russian Roulette, I decided to make this a quick pit stop thinking it would benefit the boys only. The GCA has everything from the innards of any lead known to man, sexy DVDs (as Raymond used to call them), every console ever made, any software you require, along with a great great number of computers and accessories. I cannot vouch for my mum but I am sure even she must appreciate how overwhelmingly well catered for this place is. I could see the boys were “loving it” as MaccyD’s would say and to my surprise it was actually Sam who made the purchase of the day. Finally deciding upon the new Nintendo DS lite and R4 cartridge we paid the man and continued our tour of this place that is unlike no other. After I had decided against purchasing some Clint Eastwood films which I now truly regret, (Clint Eastwood is the man, I even heard it rumoured he invented sex!). Following our pleasant trip to geek heaven we made way for Mong Kok where I had arranged to meet Alan and his soon to be girlfriend Winnie. Alan had booked a table for us in a nice restaurant and after meeting him he took us for a spot of shopping before we had some grub. I must say I have fallen in love with the chairs in the Sony shop along with a laptop that weighs no more than digestive biscuit. The food was gorgeous, (dim sum, octopus vegetables, spring rolls) well at least most of us thought so, little B.A was again having problems adjusting to anything. I must say my boy Alan has never failed me; he is the most genuine person I have ever met in my life. I rely on him as I would a brother and he has always come through for me. My gratitude toward him is immeasurable. Do not get me wrong I am easy going person and will make friends in any neck of the woods, but never did I guess I would come to other side of the world and make such friends that share a common sense of humour and interests. Everyday over here is damn good fun, I actually prefer it to the West.

                The Sabbath. We had pizza hut, pizza hut is good. Job done.

                香港海洋公園. Monday we rose nice and early. We had an objective, Ocean Park. For if ever there was an incentive to do something, I believe going to see Pandas is up there with the best of them. So we woke and washed our teeth and privates, (each done our own separately, I may be close with my family but I have to draw the line somewhere) and headed out to Tsim Sha Tsui in order to change some AE travelers cheques into some dosh ready for the big spend. Cheques changed we headed for the MTR toward Admiralty from which we would purchase all-round tickets for Ocean Park including travel for me and the chiseen family. We arrived there at around 10:45 and made our way through the turnstiles to be greeted by the flamingos, well when I say greeted they didn’t actually offer me their hands in friendship nor did we manage either to engage in a riveting conversation. Nevertheless I enjoyed the flamingos; they are quite interesting as far as pink birds go. Upon reviewing the Ocean Park map I realized the parks layout is in-fact split into 2 main parks connected via cable car. As luck would have it we happened to be brought via the bus to the more entertaining of the 2 available parks, I say more entertaining because this park catered more so for the adult. We checked out the reef, went on the detonator twice, (I like heights but still shat myself at the height we reached before plummeting and feeling nothing but weightlessness) checked the ferris wheel while my brother Brendan got chatted up and complimented on his forearm muscles by a man in a turban (if your reading this Bren I hope your relationship blossoms but don’t forget where your loyalties lie, you’re a Catholic and don’t you forget it). We ended up taking the whole day just to cover our side of the park and never got the opportunity to check out the pandas, as by the time we reached the other park things were shutting up for the night. Fret we did not though, as we had a brilliant time and I guess now we will have to do the other side of the park when they next come over. Plus who needs pandas when you have found the love of your life such as Brendan did that day. Greatest memoir of the day was watching the dolphin and seal show, who ever knew animal cruelty could be such fun?

                Times Square. Tuesday happened to rear its ugly head, and with it it had brought me work. I must admit though work seems to fly by when you know you have your family buzzing around somewhere in Hong Kong. I picked up an iTouch for Desmond on my lunch break aswell, knowing full well that his little face would be a picture of happiness when it had reached its soon to be owner. So when work was done and dusted, I made my way toward Tsim Sha Tsui. I phoned Brendan to tell him I was on the way only to find that they were in fact located in Kowolon Tong having a little ice-skate. Thus I boarded the KCR and made way for Festival Walk the home of the aforementioned ice rink. B.A, Murdock and the Face were skating away, I must say aswell I am surprised as to their ability on the blades. I watched Bren get creamed in a race by Dessie and then try to blame it on a poor defenseless kid :-). I know Brendan to well by now, fearing he was losing he started to career toward a poor young child in a vain attempt to lash out and blame someone other than himself for his failings. Shame on you Brendan Anyway Muj and I in the mean time had decided to catch some tea and I had a dessert. Forgetting why I hated Earl Grey I made the grave mistake of ordering a cup. Early Grey is by far the ponciest tea known to man, it tastes and smells like withering flowers of some kind with a touch of perfume chucked in just incase someone actually could stand the taste of withered flowers. So when the boys and Sam got off the ice we made our way to Causeway bay (Hong Kong Island) where I had prearranged to meet Alan, Winnie, Matt and Kates to join us for dinner in Times Square. We had a marvelous meal and talk about suave, black truffle pizza and wafer thin parma ham accompanied with strawberries and cream were my favourites. Alan had to abscond from the meal early as he had a football match just round the corner and with him Winnie also left. After settling up the bill Matt, Kates, Chiseen family and I left headed towards the pitch at where Alan would be playing. Little Alan is like lightening, I thought Des was quite fast doing 100 meters in 12 seconds but Alan says he has done it in 11. When you watch this rocket take off believe me you will hold little doubt as to whether or not this is true, I must admit in full flow Alan makes me laugh as I liken his movements to a steam train hurtling down a hill after derailment :-). My boy changed and we proceeded toward the arcade with the A-team in-tow but not before he put one in the back of the net though. In the arcade I played air-hockey with Matt, Bren and Des and not to toot-my-own-horn or anything but I think I am possibly the best air-hockey player in the world. Bren and I emerged victorious from our first paired bout but happened to lose when I decided to let Bren actually touch the puck in the second game, lesson learned (do not let Bren touch the puck) I decided to bite my bottom lip for at least I know how good I am I also happened to revisit my youth that day aswell via a little game I like to call Time Crisis. For those of you who do not know Time Crisis let me first say shame on you and secondly here are the details: It is a game that requires foot, hand and eye coordination and also a knack for teamwork when played with a fellow person. You take on the role of a cop trying to free some bird I think (I cant really remember, I had a gun in my hand for the rest are just minor details) and let me tell the word “Reload” has never been said with as much coolness and passion as it has within the confines of this game. Alan and Winnie were busy with Sam and Mum in the meantime, spending a small fortune on a bullseye game intent on trying to clear out the prize shelf . After we left it was already nearing 1 in the morning so we caught some desert before catching a taxi bound for home (seeing as the MTR had ceased at around 12:30). It was at this desert I made my family sample Durian (the so-called King of Fruits) and to be fair it was not as bad as my previous attempts at necking this pile of pig shit but nonetheless its very presence and smell was enough to offend those around. You have to check out Durian when you come to the East as any guide you read will tell you. It is often said the trip alone should be made in order to sample this most unique of fruits and at least the family can say now they have sampled pig shit :-).

                The Peak. Wednesday was a day for breaking the bank. From the word go the day was to be a spend-athon. It was Muj who was first in the queue to flash the cash in the direction of a new digital camera. After a little research and guidance from those in-the-know we opted for a Cannon voted numero uno and for good reason too I discovered after playing with it. We decided against the Sony despite its aesthetically pleasing appearance owing to the fact that was the only thing it had going for it, picture quality and LCD screen were major drawbacks :-). With the camera bought we headed back to the hostel quickly in Tsim Sha Tsui to drop off our purchase before pressing on to Victoria Harbour. The main objective being a 20 min walk away toward the Star Ferry from which we could catch… you guessed it a ferry :-). The ferry is traveling in style to say the least, and considering it costs just 16pence I think that’s value for money that would even have ASDA blushing. So across the water we went, after which we hopped on a bus that brought us upto The Peak. The initial plan was to buss it to the tram and from here tram it up to the The Peak. To cut long story short, somehow, someway, I fell asleep and woke-up at The Peak, don’t get me wrong I am not complaining I just think it a little unusual to say the least. At The Peak me and the family entered the EA department that had every EA game worth a look in available to play, so me and the fam rinsed that place off. Footie, Mahjong, The Sims, you name it and we played it :-). The highest point (hence The Peak) in Hong Kong is now a familiar sight to me, for I know it like the back of my hand. I even began my usual recital thus spieling off the number of dogs I have counted over time in a house just visible in the distance, only then did I discover 2 more to add to my collection. Either that house must be some kind of breeding ground for dogs, or, the dogs in Hong Kong have some kind of insatiable sexual appetite :-). Once we had had enough of the altitude we made our way back down the colossal descent toward Mong Kok. Once we were in Mong Kok we met with Alan who accompanied Bren to buy an iPhone. If there ever was one tool any man in his life needs, believe me when I say it is an iPhone. The device is unreal, I can honestly say sometimes months pass without picking up my PC due to the fact I have a user-friendly one in the form of the iPhone. Bren also picked up an NDS lite with an R4 cartridge before we all busted a move toward Langham Place to play the arcade bullseye game again. As luck would have it Des entered some kind of gamble with his tokens and managed to win $100 straight off without even spending a cent :-). Games, Sights and Gambling done the A-team decided to bring an end to this chapter and we headed home ready for the big pack.

                And God said let there be Playstation 3. We moved all our belongings from Tsim Sha Tsui to my apartment in Kowloon Tong, this was because the E22 bus runs via my ghetto straight to the airport where I would soon be seeing off the A-team. There was one issue to resolve beforehand though; Dessie despite his best efforts was finding it hard to pick up a good deal on the Playstation 3. Cue the arrival of our super hero Alan, for if ever there lived a man who knew the whereabouts and function of every printed circuit board in existence believe me when I say it is Alan. He was working but made a few phone calls and before we knew it the Jackson 5 were leaving Mong Kok with Playstation 3 in hands. When the time came I accompanied the family to the airport and had the last supper with them before they were to board the plane, destination The West. I left my family at the boarding gates feeling as if someone had just tore a great gaping hole through my heart. I love my family and am so grateful they took the time to come over and visit me. I had such a laugh with them as I had expected (Gerard getting a E in Art springs to mind ), and even though my Dad could not make it he had written a card which means more to me than can be said in words. I love each and every one of them with a love that is unrivalled and not a day goes by when I do not lend my thoughts to them.

                Well judging by the length of the above I think I have just rewritten the bible to be fair. Well fair enough I haven’t walked on water (yet) but this bible is surely more exciting. Jesus never had a PS3 or even a PS1 for that matter, and if he did it was surely not well documented. Although I could think of no better way to choose disciples than a knockout tournament of Pro Evo Soccer

                Side note to everyone in the world. Never ever ever, and I repeat never ever trust Desmond Daniel Heaney with your turtle(s). For this God damn PK dropped mine from a severe height, the equivalent of a human falling from Canary Wharf Tower. The poor thing is still shell-shocked to this day.

Peace and love people
Overseas Joe

This entry was posted on Tuesday, November 6th, 2007 at 9:15 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.