Hong Kong Blog

          It been a while, I know. A lot has been going on these last few weeks. I had my girlfriend over for 11 days and the time is soon nearing when I will see my beloved family, minus my father who is a bludclot for not daring the 12hr flight over here (only messing bludclot dad ) Anyway I have had an action packed fortnight to say the very least. I have shown Michelle everywhere and anywhere that this lovely country has to offer. It is here that I must also put a special mention out to my hospitable friends, for were it not for there help I probably would have struggled to show Mickey the true Hong Kong.

          Anyway let’s delve into my world of adventure I suppose. Right, Mickey flew into meet me on the 22nd September. So there I was in my room all-guns-a-blazing trying to do 101 and things at once, knowing very well that I would get a right chastising from my baby for starting as I meant to go on. Thus I decided it best not to be late to meet Mickey, . So leaving a bit late for reasons unbeknownst to even myself I took the bus (yes that’s right I actually seized control of the bus) and made forth with great gallant speed, the destination ‘airport’ in mind. I knew this would be an easy feat to locate the airport, as the previous week I had somehow someway ended up in ‘Terminal 2’ on the phone to Alan proclaiming I might be a little late for badminton and tennis due to regional location problems So I got to the airport and waited and waited for Mickey. Alas I thought, I have failed to meet my fair lady on time and she is out there with some Hong Kong business man who has decided to wine and dine her on my behalf due to my sheer tardiness. Turns out I was wrong. The flight eventually came in and I watched as my girl strutting her stuff bobbing along with her iPod in tow. It was then for an utter split-second that I had a weird feeling engulf me. What do I talk about? Is this going to be weird? Does the pope shit in the woods? Thankfully though all was fine and I threw my arms round my girl and planted one right one her (a kiss that is, I decided it best not to box my girlfriend on our first reunion in a while ). So I seized control of the nearest bus once again and made haste for Tsim Sha Tsui where our hostel awaited us.
          

          So the hostel. Well after finally finding the building after pacing back and forth along the same street for what seemed like a long enough time to test even the patience of a saint, I decided to finally give-in and ask one of the location from one of the many guys trying to flog me a copied watch and handbag (the bloody hostel was hidden down some bloody alley which was obviously signposted by a bloody idiot). Mick was just about to give over here card details when the man asked would we like to view the room first, we decided this best before departing with any money and followed him through what can best described using the words ‘murky’, ‘dungeon’, and ‘sxxt-hole’. Now it occurred to me upon entering the room that word ‘Hostel’ was actually an acronym for ‘Heap Of Shit That Excludes Luxury’. I do not even joke when I say a homeless person would scoff and turn his nose up at the living standards provided. The room was dark and dirty with horrible grimy walls and a bed that looked like it had truly been tested to breaking point. The bathroom was the part that really got me though. It was so small I do not think it would be possible for me and my member (manhood) to occupy the same room at the same time. The toilet was under the sink (yes under the sink, work that bloody one out!) and the whole room was to act as one big shower (the shower was a hose attached to the sink tap). Deciding that even the RSPCA would give better temporary housing to its animal we asked to see something a little more expensive. “Certainly Sir, we have luxury rooms available also” said the man who was seemingly slowly becoming more sinister the longer I spent in his company. Turns out the luxury rooms did what they said on the tin. We set our luggage down and then went out with the thought of catching a little dinner/supper in mind. Supper was DeliFrance which I know is not exactly the height of Chinese cuisine, but it was a long day and I decided tonight did not count and my main aim was to hit the cot and start a fresh tomorrow.

          Sunday I met with Alan and Winnie (the bird he is chasing). This was not an intentional or planned meeting. I was in Mong Kok showing Mick ‘Langham Place’ where we had brunch, when I received a phone call from baby Alan. “Joe the iPhone is for sale in Mong Kok” said Alan. “Alan, tell me something I do not know. Do not tease me for I do not have the $16,000 required” said I. “Baby Joe I have seen it for $4890” said Alan. “WTF! Are you sure” said I. “Yes” said Alan. After many more an exchange, Mickey and I found ourselves with Alan and Winnie. We went up to one of the many complexes that Mong Kok is comprised of, as you may well imagine with it being the most populated place in the world. After picking up the iPhone which is the future of technology and the nicest piece of kit on the market so far, me and Mickey scoured the streets of Mong Kok especially the Ladies Market which Mong Kok is well renowned for. We picked out a few bits and bobs and then had dinner with Alan and Winnie and stayed out shopping well into the night before retiring to the bed for some well deserved sleep.
 

          Monday the day after Sunday. Again I found myself in Mong Kok with Michelle on Monday. Mong Kok is a big, big place and I think it shows the true heart of Hong Kong with the hustle and bustle and the lights that brighten the sky by night. I showed Mick a few places here and there and then received a phone call from Matt saying he wanted to meet later that day to bring me and Mick for a bit of grub. We met with Matt after he finished up work around 8:30 and ventured on toward greener pastures. We eventually stopped at a restaurant I am none to familiar with but the grub was amazing. This was followed up with a good dose of shopping. I am going to avoid talking about my shopping ordeals as I liken them to going through hell and back, but needless to say there was a lot of shopping going on when Mick came over. Desert was the highlight of the day though; Matt brought us to some traditional desert dedicated restaurant. Needless to say our little sesame seed cream and 2 iced hearts (yes I know extremely cliché and batty) were gorgeous. Next stop quick drum game at the arcades that I think Mick has taken to quite well, and then home. Zzzzz

          Tuesday the day before Wednesday. Tuesday was a day dreams are made of. Although I had to work, I still managed to cram some seriously brilliant day around my donkey work hours. Tuesday is a public holiday called the ‘Full Moon Festival,’ this is as the name suggests a day whereby the full moon is evident and closest the earth for those in Hong Kong (the locals are supposed to stay up until midnight to watch the moon and then have the following day off for rest). After finishing work Gary and I set to meet Michelle and then later locate Vicky who is Gary’s better half. Our little crusade then brought us to a lovely Japanese restaurant that was so well hidden I am surprised they get any custom, to be fair though after tasting some of the grub on offer it was no surprise that they get such a healthy supply of customers despite their peculiar location. From here we made tracks and headed to Victoria Harbour in Tsim Sha Tsui. It was here we saw the brilliant festivities being held along the Avenue of Stars. It had just rained so the sky was clear of clouds and there staring down on all us minions was the big full moon in all its glory. Looking across from the harbour at Hong Kong Island is a sight for sore eyes; the neons and vast landscape are something that no words can ever pay justice. Gary a resident of Hong Kong for many years even said himself that he does not remember the last time he had seen a sight so beautiful. We laughed and joked our way across the peer over the Avenue of Stars (modelled on Hollywoods Walk of Fame which contains tributes such as signed handprints of many movie starts who are home to Hong Kong) and finally decided to grab a bite to eat in a café before calling it a night.

          Wednesday begins with a W. A full day of exercise without leaving the bed

          Thursday who’s origin are from old English for ‘day of thunder’ named after Germanic thunder god Thor. I had to work again on the Thursday. Afterwards I met with Alan and Winnie for a mights shopping. I think that is enough said on the subject.

          Friday who funnily enough takes it name from the Germanic goddess Frigga (also sound like the derogatory term Frigger ). This was some brilliant day. Me and Mick rose fairly early. We had a long mission ahead, for I had agreed to dine with a good few of my closest friends that day after work and yet I had told Mickey we would go to the tallest point in Hong Kong beforehand. So with a fine margin of time me and Mick set sail. We made our way to Tsim Sha Tsui’s famous Star Ferry pier along Victoria Harbour where I treated Mickey to a ferry across from Kowloon island to Hong Kong island. Once we had docked again we made haste for the bus, which would bring us to the tram, that would then bring us up to the tallest point in Hong Kong. Long story short we got there fine and although I have done the journey before I do not remember the tram taking such a vertical inclination toward our destination. At one point I thought my nuts were going to fall back into me and roll their way up my oesophagus. The view was lovely, the day was lovely and my girlfriend was lovely. Not much more you can ask for really. Then we rushed back to meet Gary, Alan, Winnie, Matt and Kates at Mong Kok. From here we boarded a mini-bus and made our way to highly recommended restaurant in Kowloon City (Kowloon City is notorious for its gorgeous grub, but is only really visited on a rare occasion due to the struggle to get there). The spread laid on was brilliant. Lobster, oysters and a whole baby roast pig (head included) were some of the items that spring to mind. I felt at home amongst my friends and they have done me proud to help me show my better half around Hong Kong. I got a brilliant picture with us all sitting around the table. I have always made friends easily no matter where I go but very rarely have I ever felt sad when moving forward as I believe life is one big steady progression, but the day when I leave behind these people will surely cause me great heartache. The meal had cost us a fortune as it was a classy joint, well worth it though as showing my girlfriend a good time is paramount and a price cannot be put on that. We eventually got back to Mong Kok and had desert together whereby everyone wound Alan up so much I thought he might crack. He took everything on the chin though and we all calmed and made our own separate ways back to our own cots. (P.S If you ever get hounded by people flogging you pure crap, do as I do and get in there first when you see them approaching. For example ask them would they like to purchase a copied handbag, the resultant confusion alone is well worth it.)

          Saturday the first day of the weekend. Disneyland in Hong Kong…Yay! Disneyland is the dog’s private parts, quote me on it. I went there with Mick, Alan and Winnie. The 4D cinema is amazing. I had never been to a 3D cinema let alone a 4D one. I cannot believe what they can do nowadays, I know that statement should be uttered only by people of ages 50+ but this thing is an unreal experience. I imagined 3D to be done with the 1 red lens and 1 blue lens glasses and to appear a bit dodgy, not at all though. The technique used is polarizing which I remember from my physics and the glasses you could get away with wearing out in the street. I sat there in the exact middle of the cinema with the best view and did not expect what was to come. When Donald Duck fired a flute straight at me I actually dived to avoid it, looking like a class A tit. I soon realised I was not alone. The whole cinema was taken back with the 3D graphics, added water and wind effects, the smell of the blueberry pie as Goofy seemingly held it under my nose and so forth. Believe me when I say it alone was worth the trip to Disneyland. We went to see a couple of musicals that also had me enthralled, I felt like a big kid escaping it all thanks to Mickey and Minnie. It was also a Halloween special so they had a special Halloween parade that was absolutely wicked, and they extended the opening hours from 8 something until 11. So in the end we arrived there around 2 and left at 11:30 so I had over 9hrs of Disney and could still not cover all of the attractions. I also put a nice dent in my wallet that day but again something I do not regret. All in all the trip had opened my eyes again to the charm of Disney that I had since long forgotten. For instance I now need to watch Beauty and Beast again to see the French candlestick guy who I remember being a proper legend and also I forgot just how much I loved Toy Story as kid not to mention Aladdin (The genie deserves a knighthood ).

          Sunday or as I prefer to call it ‘day of the sun’. Up I rose and again I found myself bound for the Star ferry with Mickey in tow, for I had prearranged to meet Gary and Vicky at Central for a spot of lunch and the ferry seems like a classy way to do things. We met them at the peer and then headed for the IFC (tallest building in Hong Kong) which is home to the eatery Triple O’s. This is some kind of spin-off from White Spot’s which I believe may be an American burger joint, but do not quote me on that. The food was filling to say the least, it was then I made a mental note not to take the ferry back incase I single-handedly brought it down :-) In the IFC there are many a shop to help those to get well on the their way toward bankruptcy, it was here I saw my something I have had my eye on for a while. This was a soft leather Hugo Boss wallet. I had searched high-up-and-low-down for a real one after seeing a fake one in the Ladies Market. I previously had viewed Prada and Gucci to name a couple but had found nothing that tickled my fancy. Severe damage had been done due to stuffing wads of dough I had brought into the country with me into my trusty wallet acquired with the fresher pass for the Canterbury Venue, thus I decided an upgrade was in order. Happy with my purchase we got our skates on and made for Stanley, home to one of the more renowned markets Hong Kong has to offer. I picked up one of them waving cat thingys and now constantly make it ‘give-me-5’. Job done we headed back to Mong Kok the centre of activity and as you may have noticed a very good meeting place (neutral ground you see) to meet with baby Alan and Winnie. The main mission now being that Winnie had a 15% discount on all items within the Duty Free Shop, so the girls done their thing and many hours later a beaten, broken Joe (me) emerged from DFS and begged and pleaded to be killed and sent home Instead we had a gorgeous Japanese meal and I think my girlfriend may now agree that the East knows how to do their food better than most. Then back to the lair for some shut eye.

          Monday is the start of the week unless you are Jewish, and if that is the case you have bigger things to worry about, like eternal damnation for instance I went to Fish Street as it is locally known and saw some of the coolest animals (was contemplating using the word ‘cutest’ but thought if I start doing that I am only one step away from painting my nails and tucking it between my legs ). Gary and Vicky had joined us and were buying some fish when I saw what I needed. For I am now the proud owner of 3 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Albeit I have not actually seen them fight crime yet or show Bebop and Rocksteady that crime does not pay, but then again I am a busy man as I am sure they are also busy turtles. So yet to come is the day when their crime fighting ways will cross paths with my non-crime committing ways. After purchasing my babies we went for a Korean all you can eat buffet/Hotpot whereby you pick as much food as you please and bring it back to the table to be cooked by yourself on 1 of the 2 grills dedicated to each table. Alan had also joined us so all 5 of us sat down and ate like we had been starved of food for a long, long time. Alan being much smaller than me still managed to devour even more so then myself, how this feat is possible still remains a mystery to me as I ate until I started getting dizzy and sweating. I don’t know how I managed it but somehow I got back to my bed that night promising myself a lot of exercise to come soon :-).

          Tuesday the day of Mickey’s departure. We packed up Micks stuff and moved her over to my hostel as it is simply just a case of jumping on one bus from mine to get to the airport. With all packed I moved her stuff with the help of Gary to my apartment and then let her lose on the shops in Festival Walk prior to her departure. I have to hand it to her, she picked up some real nice pieces but the less said about her shopping the better. Once the time had come I hopped on the bus and brought Mickey to the airport. Matt then gave me a call and said he wanted to see Mickey off and have one last dinner with us. For a boy who has only been in the country for 2 months I sure have landed some genuine friends, I think Mick realised this aswell as Matt met us and brought us for a meal at the airport. Granted the food was shite, but I guess it was the thought that counts :-). I let Mick go real quick and turned my back on her to avoid any tear jerking moments. I thought I had done quite well even when Matt said he saw my eyes go a little red and he thought it was touching; I still maintained a stony front and thought I had earned some serious man points. It was only on the bus when I put on the iPod and my man Eric Clapton came on with ‘You look Wonderful Tonight’ I started to feel a little funny. It was then some Asian bitch started laughing at me and got her 2 friends to turn and pay tribute to the spectacle that was me. My thoughts of sadness soon subsided and were overcome with satisfyingly violent thoughts, and in a way I guess I owe that bitch one for stopping the flood-gates

          Now I must say well done to anyone who has read the 3486 words so far, and I must apologise for rambling like a tit, buy hey it’s a blog and if I can’t ramble on my own blog then where the hell can I ramble? Anyway for now remember make love and not war, and that fat people need love to. (Unless they are so fat it is gross in which case I will forgive those who pay no heed to my wise words )

P.S ‘Stay in school and don’t do drugs’ and remember do not mix them up, or you get ‘Stay in drugs and don’t do school’ which is a whole different kettle of fish.

Hong Kong Joe

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