Hong Kong Blog

Hello the whole world, or at least to the person reading this. My name is Joe Heaney, a placement student in Hong Kong, and I love it long time as the Chinese would say. I was chosen by University Kent Canterbury to represent along with a fellow student named Richard Cohen to divide and conquer Hong Kong I work for JP Morgan Chase in Shatin, where the work is hard and long but the ‘family’ are very accommodating. With the term ‘family’ I really mean family, these guys and girls are some of the nicest people I have ever had the pleasure of meeting in my life, and I am not exactly the sort of person who suffers bad company well. I am the new attraction at work, everyone wants a piece and to know anything and everything about our culture back home (England). This has meant I have made many new friends in a short space of time, which I love because it means I am always preoccupied, after all the devil makes work for idle thumbs. I know Rich has blogged the hell out of arrival so I will not bore you with more trivial details. Just note one thing if anything, Hong Kong is hot, like being branded every morning you decide you might dare to venture forth.

For those that might think the weather is a form of Chinese torture, please do not be discouraged. This place more than makes up for the scorching weather with everything else it has to offer, and Hong Kong has everything to offer except Snow This place is so advanced you should take a space-ship here not a measly plane. The public transport actually makes commuting a pleasure here, with its Air-con, easy to master mapping and beautiful women. I currently live in Kowloon Tong which is the bee’s knees; the view from here would make Tyson shed a tear. I have a basket ball court, a swimming pool and numerous tennis courts at our disposal. The uni (CityU) also sports a swimming pool which in my opinion is a must for every uni, poor excuses of budget constraints just don’t cut it.

The cuisine over here puts England to shame, I mean which edgit would choose fish ‘n’ chips over some nice ox’s tongue, chicken feet, or my personal favourite cows penis. I am only messing with the above, although they are real dishes eaten by real people here, they are at the top end of the scale of food extremities. Still you live and you learn so I have wolfed down some chicken feet, after this experience I decided the chicken can keep his feet because I reckon it is on par with wolfing down a used golf club. Not sure about trying the ox’s tongue and I know for sure the cow can keep his privates as far as I am concerned Seriously though food here is amazing, I know I will be eating in China Town more often when I go home (if I ever go home). There are certain dishes over here called Dim Sum and Dim Sum deserves some serious recognition. So this one’s for you Dim Sum. Wikipedia told me the following: “Dim sum is the name of the Chinese cuisine involving a light meal served with Chinese tea. Dim sum cuisine consists of a wide spectrum of choices. It includes combinations of meat, seafood, vegetables, as well as desserts and fruit. The various items are usually served in a small steamer basket or on a small plate”. So there you have it, find a spare bit of cash, buy a ticket, fly to Asia, try Dim Sum, and then you will agree. Well I hope you do agree or you might resent following my lead and blowing some serious dough in the mean time.

Where next? I suppose the various complexes that make this place world renowned. There is a place called Festival Walk beside us (5-10 mins walk), which is by far the most astonishing site and sight these eyes of mine have ever witnessed. Me and Rich had no words to describe it apart from a barrage of swear words. Awe inspiring does not even skim the surface, this complex grows as you ascend or descend the escalators, I kid you not. Well maybe a little, but seriously 7 floors of every woman’s paradise (no sexism intended I bloody love it to). You can purchase everything from Dior to a door. I bloody love it mate, and so does my wallet which gets smaller which helps with the short walk home, not so much carry. People here will tell you this is nothing special either, and they are right. Richie boy and I have hit the town nearly every day possible and some of the sights witnessed should come with a warning, for those of weak heart or carrying a maker beware.

Alrighty now onto my favorite topic, our buddies from CiytU. They met us at the airport to show us the ropes and bring us out and about during the course of our stay here on the island. There is Raymond – occupation: The living legend, and Tyler – occupation: The sexual beast. Please do not underestimate these titles that accompany either, for they are professionals in their lines of work. Raymond is about the only person I know who could count to infinity - twice. The man should honestly be knighted and he doesn’t even know it. He has so many catchphrases that should be coined, for example “I think this is no problem” is my personal favourite. Tyler on the other hand is so laid back I reckon the back of his head scrapes the ground as he walks. The guy is also a babe magnet, I think possibly maybe even having dated the majority of the female population in Hong Kong. This may come across as normal practise to himself but I was astounded by his ability to ‘tractor beam’ the ladies. I’m just counting my lucky stars I am male at this point, otherwise I would not stand a chance, plus it would be rude to say no

At this point I am growing tired of spilling my guts so I will just fill you in on a few random facts about our surroundings:

1) Hong Kong is cheap, very cheap. Eating out here is cheaper than going to the supermarket.

2) The people are some of the most accommodating and friendly beings you are likely to encounter on this earth. Sound as a pound is the term.

3) I hate seafood, and the Chinese people love it. It accompanies many, many dishes over here.

4) Hong Kong is home to one of the worst toilets in the world. It can only be described in comparison to the oh so famous ‘Worst Toilet in Scotland’ made famous by Trainspotting the movie. I won’t turn stomachs by delving deeper in description, except I will mention there might as well have been no urinals and one big floor for target practise

5) Hong Kong funnily enough contains the nicest toilet I have ever seen. Note to those down-and-outs out there, stow away in luggage, come to Asia and set up shop in a cubicle. It will be a paradise in comparison to a bus shelter back home!

6) Transfomers the movie is one of the best things I have seen in a while, for those narrow minded ‘why remake an already good film’ bite me. Bite me real hard right on my steel toe caps.

7) As I already mentioned the MTR (Underground) and KCR (not Underground) are as cool as a cucumber, but not only that, they contain motivational messages along the lines of ‘Eat healthy, have a balanced diet and exercise regularly’. Which lets face it is common sense but yet people at home still don’t follow these simple rules, and nobody want to see a fatty break wind or sweat.

People over here do this cough thing that is hilarious. You would think people are coughing for the sake of coughing. I mean it is the most half-hearted coughing I have ever heard, it is so funny. I can only assume this is the case since the SARS outbreak and people did not want to be sectioned, or they feel the need to pretend they have the cough reflex when they blatantly do not have even the slightest notion of a real coughing ability.

9) The Chinese language is more of an epic battle than a means of communication. If you dare even try to pretend you can hold your own in the native language, you are in for it. Please take heed and do not dismiss the above lightly, or you are up the creek without a paddle, boat, or even speedos to save the little shred of dignity you may have left after doing battle (although a man in speedos already has lost the right to dignity). For reference communication here is like a battle within the show ‘Dragonball Z’, except this is real life.

10) They wear masks over here to stop the spreading of germs. Also I think this is a repercussion of the whole SARS thing, either that or they have real bad breath

11) Hong Kong also has claims direct.

12) Last but not least I shall quote from a great philosopher for this baby. Raymond the man, the ledge, our buddy posses the closest genetic code to that of a man known by those who love him as Jack Bower.

Thank you for your time and attention people, now I shall retire to the cot. Hope you enjoyed prying into the lives of others and please come again

This entry was posted on Sunday, July 29th, 2007 at 10:43 am and is filed under Hong Kong. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.